Loneliness...oh, and work.

Last night was a bad night for missing Austin. He had the weekend off, but I didn't, and we got to talk very little. I knew it was going to be my last time talking to him for a couple days, because we both worked today and tomorrow, and I work Wednesday and Thursday, his days off. We'll get to talk for a couple hours at night, but he can't really stay up late because he always has training early in the morning (even on his days off) and I don't get home from work until around nine. Anyway, that was my really roundabout way of explaining that I don't get to see or talk to him much. (By see I mean on skype). And last night I knew it was the last time for a while. And it just hit me like a ton of bricks how lonely I am right now.

My best friend and I aren't really friends anymore, we don't talk or see each other at all, even though we live together. And she's really the only person I ever hung out with. I don't really have other friends that I hang out with. I have friends, but we only talk every once in a while or go to the occasional party together. I've been hanging out with Aaron a bit more lately, but he has work Monday through Thursday, graveyard shift. So we don't really hang out at all those days.

I mean, I am glad that Jen and I aren't best friends anymore. I'm not going to lie. I am lonely now, but she was not good for my mental health. Constantly draining me, and taking from me, not giving anything in return, manipulating...it was horrible. I was so emotionally drained all the time. I wasn't a friend to her, I was her mom. And that sucks. She would go out and have fun with other people, then she'd come home and expect me to take care of her. Uh, no thanks. I'm good.

I'm doing a lot better tonight, but talking to him last night on Skype was so hard. And it was hard for both of us. He was feeling the same way I was and it just...completely sucked :/

I can't wait to move to Oregon. It's going to be this big adventure with my favorite person. And I can't wait to be his wife.

(in 12 days!)

I'm going to be married in 12 days. That is so insane haha. But I can't imagine life any other way but to be his wife. So...I guess that's what I gotta do! :)

So...I've worked the last three days, and I'm working the next five. My next day off isn't until Sunday. My manager is SO good at doing scheduling. I had four days off last week and then I work 8 days in a row? ...can't we break it up a little? And after eight days I get one day off, then it's right back to work. Talk about suck. She sucks. Once again, can't wait to move.

I don't want to feel like I'm moving to run away from things here, but it sort of feels that way. Just because things here are so shitty. And I could look for a new job here, and find new friends here, but what's the point when I can't be with Austin? I'd rather find a new job there and find new friends there. Just sort of start over. Start a new chapter in my life with him.

I'm excited :)