Is it just me...

...or does planning your own wedding make you want to blow your brains out?

My god, there is so much that goes into this. It's ridiculous. The dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the groomsmen's tuxes, the venues for the ceremony and for the reception. I thought I finally found an awesome package at this like, Irish Pub, they would set everything up for our ceremony for 25 people at Emerald Bay, which is where I want to have the ceremony, and then we could have our reception in their rose garden outdoors, which is beautiful. And, say we had our reception with 60 people, the whole thing, including the ceremony would only cost around $4500. Which is NOT bad. My sister's wedding cost $3000 altogether and her wedding was great; at the Hilton in Reno. (Now the Grand Sierra). But it was really nice, and I thought a Tahoe wedding would end up costing us an arm and a leg.

Anyway, so I thought I found this awesome place, but then I read reviews...and they are very mixed. And that concerns me. Some of the reviews were like, Oh my gosh this venue made me cream my panties, but some are just like, jesus christ this place is awful. And I'm like...well shit. I'd like to believe we'd be one of the success stories but I'm a TAD worried it'll be horrible.

GAH.

I only want 60 people or so. I really really don't want to go any higher than that. And that won't be a problem for me, but I'm sure it will be for Austin. With all of his "family" and "friends". Well if I only invite like 15 people that gives him 45 to invite haha.

I'm actually compiling a list as we speak, and I don't think the damage will be too bad. So far I've got 34 people. And these are the crucial people that need to be invited, and a few family friends on both sides.

I wonder if Aubrey can be a flower girl when she's only 2 and a half? I don't know if a two and a half year old can have that kind of focus haha. Maybe if I can get someone to hold her hand and walk her down the aisle. I want Brian to be the ring bearer...maybe he can help her?

I'm only allowed to have 25 people at the actual ceremony. I just figured that out...but I'm going to have to talk to Austin. Ugh. I hate not being able to talk to him. We can talk tomorrow, and we'll discuss this then. These two months are dragging by. I want to just be able to wake him up and be like 'Yo! I need your input'

Bah.
My head is literally about to explode.

Not to mention, I don't even know if Jen and I will be talking by that point, let alone if I'll want her to be one of my bridesmaids. I mean, we've been friends for so long that it would really suck if she wasn't even AT my wedding, but ...we'll just see what happens I guess. I mean she's made no attempt to talk to me. At all. She honestly just doesn't seem to care. It's neat. And I'm moving in two months, so if we don't fix this before I go, I don't see us ever fixing it. I'll most likely still invite her, but not to be one of my bridesmaids. Not if she's gonna be a little poop. And I'm not going to like, pay for her airfare, and her dress, and all that shit if she's going to be a poop either.

Okay. Head, on the verge of combusting. I HAVE TO LEAVE.