Frustrated with work. Per the usual.

Just got home from a work meeting.

Basically got told by three people how much I suck and need to be better. Which is funny. Because I'm honestly the only one that does things by the book.

Nothing was personally directed at me, it was all in the "We all need to..." context. Of course.

But what bothers me is I AM DOING THESE THINGS.

"We all need to be more reliable." Nikki says.

Okay Nikki, funny, because when Cristine went to jail last week, I totally covered her shift. When Cristine got "food poisoning" two days ago (and came to work today with a sunburn...hmm...) I covered her shift. Cristine harps on me for one day that I didn't stay when she needed me to, and that was because I didn't have my car that day. And she chooses today to tell me, well one of us could have given you a ride. Okay...nobody told me that. I didn't think I was going to have a way home. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Sucks. I covered your ghetto ass when you were rotting in jail and in the "hospital" for food poisoning. Not to mention the fact that I have never called in sick. Not once. I've been late once, and I called beforehand to let them know I'd be half an hour late, for a legitimate reason.

It's just fucking obnoxious. I try to give a shit, I try to make the store a better place, a cleaner place. But whenever I tried to correct bad behavior or anything like that, they'd undermine me, so the employees don't have any respect for any of us. The schedule is never done on time, and when it is posted it's changed nearly every day. So nobody ever knows when they're supposed to be working. Cristine and Nikki are constantly trying to get shifts covered and leaving early, and so the team members think they can do the same things too...the store is a mess and it's falling apart and the fact that Nikki accidentally cancelled our last order doesn't help, because now we're running out of all our products. Yay. So basically, I'm working in a hell hole right now.

I keep telling myself, just two more months. Just two more months of this. I just need to make it through two more months. That's all. Then I'm moving to Portland, where I can hopefully find a better job, or a more bearable job. Honestly, at this point, anything would be better than this. They make me feel like shit every day I go in, they make me want to quit and live in poverty. I see every day I get through as an accomplishment and a little marker towards saving enough money to move.

I'm going to tell Nikki that I'm moving at the end of this month, and that means my hours are going to be raped for the rest of the time I'm there, but I'm fine with that. I don't need to work a lot (though I'd like to to save money), I just need to work at least 20 hours a week. I would gladly just be demoted to a team member even, and just do the work I'm supposed to do for the shift, and not worry about it any more than that.

Today is June 14th. Only 16 more days in this month. And then there's July. And then two weeks in August. So exactly two more months. I can do this. I just need to get by, and then I can get out. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I knew there was a reason I smoked pot in high school.
But it's not right to have to lean on something to get you through. You have to strip down to just you, and go at your problem with what you've got. Which is just you. That's all you have. You.

All I've got is me. I just need to do the best job I can, and if they still have things to complain about, then I guess I just don't have what it takes to work there. And they need to find somebody else.

Austin called earlier, but I missed it. I called him back and he said he was getting a sign off. So that's good news. That means he'll only have 7 more.

Maybe I'll move at the beginning of August. But I do want to have a lot of money saved up, and I still need to sell my car. I could stop working at the beginning of August and just move whenever I've sold my car. I don't know...I need to stop trying to take short cuts and just stick to my original plan.

I'm going to look at apartments in Portland right now. Try to figure some shit out. I have Thursday and Friday off. I think I'm going to wash my car and take pictures and post ads on like, Craigslist and stuff, maybe try to find somebody a little sooner. Or just start trying to find somebody, because I'm afraid I won't be able to find anybody.