For him, I think the day after I left was the worst day. He was really really bummed out and had a lot of time to think about me. For me, it wasn't so bad because I had a pretty full day and I was keeping pretty busy. But as I slip back into my routine, and the further away I get from this weekend, the more bummed out I get, and the more I miss him. He seems to be doing better already, and for that I'm glad because him being sad rips me to pieces.

I'm doing the best I can to just keep busy and be productive. Channeling all of my sad, missing him energy into doing things I've been meaning to get done.

Finally doing the mountains of laundry I've been slowly chipping away at but never quite getting done. I'm doing it all tonight pretty much, and I work all day tomorrow, so Thursday I intend to sort through it all and make a keep pile, a throw away pile, and a donate pile. I'm going to be donating a loooot of clothes pretty soon. Which is going to be a load off my chest. I need to start sorting all my stuff, getting rid of a lot of stuff. I don't want to take that much stuff to Portland with me. Just my books and like, a quarter of the clothes I have now, and my printer and keyboard...I think I'm going to sell my tv and my guitar. I'll ask DF if he wants my guitar actually. I know he piddles around with the guitar occasionally and I don't think he has one. Ooh, just picturing him playing guitar sends me all ashiver. haha. WHAT A CREEP I AM.

Oh I need to take my dishes and pots and pans with me to Portland too. I'm going to donate a lot of my shoes as well. I don't wear half of them. I only wear like three pairs of shoes actually. I need to get a new pair of sneakers. I destroyed a pair in Oregon, climbing that mountain haha. They're in the back of DF's truck, rotting away. Actually, I'm sure he's thrown them away by now haha.


It feels good to be getting stuff done. Set in order. Saving money to move.

That check I got for 650 a while back, half of it went to paying off my credit card, and the other half went to helping Jen dig her way out of her hole. So I'm finding it difficult to save money for the move, which makes me just a tad nervous. I only have like ...$100 saved. And, granted, I'm going to sell my car, but...that makes me nervous too. Because it's not exactly a seller's market for...well, anything right now. Poor Rosie. I love her so. I wish I could take her with me, but it's insanely impractical to own a car in Portland. That's insurance, parking, gas I'd have to be paying when I could easily walk to work or take the bus. Not to mention Rosie always has SOME issue with her that costs me like $300 to get fixed haha. She makes it hard to save money. I mean, at least I'm not in debt like most kids my age. And I do have money in savings. That's an accomplishment right there. I just don't want to move unless I have AT LEAST a month's rent saved up. Just in case. I'm nervous I won't be able to find a job. I know DF would help me if I needed him to, but I'd never ask. I hate asking for help. I want to do it on my own. I want to be independent. I want to know that I can support myself, that I can live in the world all on my own, before I take the step of sharing my life with someone else.

The good news is, next month is the last month of rent that I have to pay. And my next pay check will take care of that. So any paychecks I get after that just go towards like...food and gas and my phone bill/car insurance. And the rest I can just put straight into my savings.

I just hope Jen finds a job soon...she's not looking very hard. And I can't support us both forever. I love her to death and I'd go to the poor house for her, but what good will it do if we're both broke as hell? I need her to save up to move too... it makes me nervous. Nervous that I'll have like, a couple months of rent saved up, and she'll have nothing, and I'll burn through it all because she has no money.

If she can't find a job here, how will she find one there? Portland is in the top five unemployed cities in the nation. You have to REALLY, REALLY look for a job. Which is why, even though I'm going to try to transfer to a jamba up there, I know it may not happen, and I want to have plenty of money saved just in case. Money for rent and food and utilities and my phone bill. So I want to have at least like...$1200 saved. At least. Which should be attainable what with me selling good ole Rosie. We shall see. I'm stressing too much maybe. But at least I'm thinking about it.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. So I'm planning the hell out of this.