Alaska

It's been so long since I've updated. Everything is different.

We're in Kodiak, Alaska now. We've been here for a month and a half. Austin's schedule is crazy right now; he works 4 days and has 2 days off. 12 hour days. Every other month he works the night shift.
I just started my full time job and he's working night shift this month, so time together is scarce.
Then again, it's been so long since I've had a full time job that I feel like I don't have time for anything. It's so weird - I'm used to having more free time than I know what to do with, and now I hardly have time to get the laundry done and clean out the litter boxes.

It'll be fine once I get into a groove. I'm also getting used to not getting as much sleep, so I'm not functioning at 100%, but as I said, I'll hit a groove and learn to manage my time within the its new limits.

For now, we're just getting used to this new schedule and trying to not let the house go to shit...or let the cats starve.


Kodiak has been interesting so far. I haven't really felt like I live on an island yet, because I've been busy trying to put a life together here, but I have a feeling that once I'm comfortable in my job and have a recreational schedule set up, I'll begin to get a little stir crazy.

I'm working at Wells Fargo. It was my last choice, but unfortunately the multiple locations on my resume just scream Coast Guard and screw me out of a lot of possible jobs here. So this is what I got. I'm trying to be positive about it, but if I'm being completely honest, I'm not interested in pushing people into bank products and services that they don't need. I told Austin I would at least give it a shot, give it my best, and if after a months I decide I absolutely hate it or I'm terrible at it, I'll quit and find something else. I really do want to try, because I don't want to be a quitter, but I also don't want to be miserable. Maybe sometimes you have to know when to quit.

I joined a book club here, and I'm going to a "Ladies' Night" at a friends house this weekend in an attempt to meet people. Before I started the job, I was pretty down because it's hard to make friends being childless on a family oriented base. So I met a few people and started making connections. And then I found out I'd be working full time instead of part time. And right now I'm thinking that all I want to do for the weekend is sleep. :| Ha.

It's going good though. It is what it is. I kind of see my 20's as the time that I have to pay my dues. And I hope to god that I live a long life and get to reap the rewards.

Stuck.

All I can think is "Stuck, stuck, stuck".
It's just ringing in my head, over and over.

Most of the time, I read milspouse blogs and find women and families that are settled into their lives; they've hit their groove, they have their direction. Or maybe they're really good at pretending, I don't know. That's possible. I feel pangs of jealousy, though, whenever I see the happy smiling faces of their children.

These women, they have children. They have jobs. They have purpose. I go from being determined to build my life into what I want it to be to being depressed and discouraged by the successes of others. I don't know why I measure my success by others, but I always have.

I'm ready to be out of this rut.