We made pizza for valentine's day.
I came home from work and there were Stargazer lilies waiting for me and making the house smell delicious! They're my favorite.
Then we made our own pizza for dinner.
I made a heart shaped pizza.
It was a good day. :)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Feeling the need to blog.
Sometimes the downfall of planning everything so far ahead, is that life seems to inch slowly by while you wait for the follow through.
I cling to the small events to keep me afloat.
The wedding is still 17 months away. Which is good, because we need all the time we can get to save money. But it's also...just too far away. I mean, the fact that we're already married doesn't help. I guess...it'll be better once he tells his parents (in two weeks), because then we can just tell everyone. I'm tired of lying to everyone. I mean it's not like a huge hole in my heart or anything, it's just sort of an uncomfortable feeling.
More people know now. I told Elise, Megan, Carrie and Jess. And Jen and my family and Aaron already know. I'm nervous about telling my Grandma's. I'm nervous about Austin telling his parents. Really nervous. I don't know what to expect. It makes me a little crazy I guess, thinking about it...which is why I'm rambling about it now.
It is what it is. Take a deep breath. Accept it. Let it go.
I feel like the wedding is pretty much planned...nothing is concrete yet. It's still a year and a half away, and I'm the only one doing any of the planning...and I just want to make sure that Austin isn't going to suddenly be going to some training or something on the day of our wedding. Planning around the military isn't exactly easy...so I guess I'm afraid to put the $1000 deposit down on the place because I don't want to lose $1000 if we have to reschedule.
I'm going to plan a trip in June to go see the ceremony and reception venues. I'm excited to see them. And I'm hoping to plan a wedding dress appointment and have the girls try on dresses too. It's a lot to fit into five days...I can't really miss much work in the summer.
School starts in September. I'm still waiting to get my acceptance letter and hear from the scholarship department. I'll probably have to take out a student loan...but I'm actually okay with that. A $10,000 loan will not be that bad in the grand scheme of things. Just two more years to go! If all goes according to plan, I'll be done with school in June of 2013.
I feel like blogging, I guess, because Austin hasn't been around much. He had a two week training from January 24th to February 5th. And then he was sick the two days he had off, and had work yesterday and today. Both overnights, so he didn't get to come home. And then tomorrow and the day after we're going to Albany to see his dad and grandparents. Then he goes to work for another three days.
The next full, uninterrupted day we'll have together (so far, who knows what will happen between then and now) is Valentines Day. Ha, no pressure or anything. I told him that the only thing I want for Valentines Day is his company. That's all. I don't need him to buy me anything or do anything for me. I just want to make dinner and watch a movie together. With my luck, his dad will still be in town and he'll want to spend the day with him.
And the worst part is, when it comes down to it, I know that Austin wouldn't even think twice. He'd do it. Nevermind the fact that he's spending his birthday with his parents.
I would never say this to him but...I feel like they hog all the holidays. Each and every holiday. And it's frustrating for me. I'm lucky his Mom and I have different birthdays. Or I'd be screwed. And very lonely on my birthday.
I mean...I know that this is a fairly new relationship. We've only been together for a year. And he's still young. His parents still see him as their little boy. I guess I just thought that marriage would change some things. Like, maybe he'd spend his birthday with me, maybe he'd spend Christmas with me.
I'd never say that to him though. His birthday isn't about me, it's about him and what he wants to do. So I didn't even mention that I felt slighted; I want him to do what makes him happy. And honestly, I know that if I mentioned it at all, it's such a touchy subject that he would immediately get defensive and accuse me of trying to come between him and his family....just like last time. Yay...
Maybe we can work it out on our own. I guess we just need a little time. This is the first year. The first go-around with the holidays. Who knows? Maybe it'll get better. I hope. If it doesn't I guess we can consider counseling, but I highly doubt he'd ever willingly submit to that. He can be so stubborn and closed off.
When we had our conversation about telling his parents it took me the better part of an hour to get him to soften up enough to even listen to me. He was acting really really cold towards me. And I got pretty hysterical and he finally kind of let me in. It wasn't pretty. Or mature. By any means. It got the job done I guess...
I feel like we have this pattern. Where something will build up, or we'll have a conflict, and he'll be stubborn or oblivious to the problem, and I'll get mad, and he'll continue to argue, and I'll get over the top mad, and he'll back down and apologize, even if he doesn't mean it just because he wants everything to be okay.
Ahhh. I'm done blogging.
I cling to the small events to keep me afloat.
The wedding is still 17 months away. Which is good, because we need all the time we can get to save money. But it's also...just too far away. I mean, the fact that we're already married doesn't help. I guess...it'll be better once he tells his parents (in two weeks), because then we can just tell everyone. I'm tired of lying to everyone. I mean it's not like a huge hole in my heart or anything, it's just sort of an uncomfortable feeling.
More people know now. I told Elise, Megan, Carrie and Jess. And Jen and my family and Aaron already know. I'm nervous about telling my Grandma's. I'm nervous about Austin telling his parents. Really nervous. I don't know what to expect. It makes me a little crazy I guess, thinking about it...which is why I'm rambling about it now.
It is what it is. Take a deep breath. Accept it. Let it go.
I feel like the wedding is pretty much planned...nothing is concrete yet. It's still a year and a half away, and I'm the only one doing any of the planning...and I just want to make sure that Austin isn't going to suddenly be going to some training or something on the day of our wedding. Planning around the military isn't exactly easy...so I guess I'm afraid to put the $1000 deposit down on the place because I don't want to lose $1000 if we have to reschedule.
I'm going to plan a trip in June to go see the ceremony and reception venues. I'm excited to see them. And I'm hoping to plan a wedding dress appointment and have the girls try on dresses too. It's a lot to fit into five days...I can't really miss much work in the summer.
School starts in September. I'm still waiting to get my acceptance letter and hear from the scholarship department. I'll probably have to take out a student loan...but I'm actually okay with that. A $10,000 loan will not be that bad in the grand scheme of things. Just two more years to go! If all goes according to plan, I'll be done with school in June of 2013.
I feel like blogging, I guess, because Austin hasn't been around much. He had a two week training from January 24th to February 5th. And then he was sick the two days he had off, and had work yesterday and today. Both overnights, so he didn't get to come home. And then tomorrow and the day after we're going to Albany to see his dad and grandparents. Then he goes to work for another three days.
The next full, uninterrupted day we'll have together (so far, who knows what will happen between then and now) is Valentines Day. Ha, no pressure or anything. I told him that the only thing I want for Valentines Day is his company. That's all. I don't need him to buy me anything or do anything for me. I just want to make dinner and watch a movie together. With my luck, his dad will still be in town and he'll want to spend the day with him.
And the worst part is, when it comes down to it, I know that Austin wouldn't even think twice. He'd do it. Nevermind the fact that he's spending his birthday with his parents.
I would never say this to him but...I feel like they hog all the holidays. Each and every holiday. And it's frustrating for me. I'm lucky his Mom and I have different birthdays. Or I'd be screwed. And very lonely on my birthday.
I mean...I know that this is a fairly new relationship. We've only been together for a year. And he's still young. His parents still see him as their little boy. I guess I just thought that marriage would change some things. Like, maybe he'd spend his birthday with me, maybe he'd spend Christmas with me.
I'd never say that to him though. His birthday isn't about me, it's about him and what he wants to do. So I didn't even mention that I felt slighted; I want him to do what makes him happy. And honestly, I know that if I mentioned it at all, it's such a touchy subject that he would immediately get defensive and accuse me of trying to come between him and his family....just like last time. Yay...
Maybe we can work it out on our own. I guess we just need a little time. This is the first year. The first go-around with the holidays. Who knows? Maybe it'll get better. I hope. If it doesn't I guess we can consider counseling, but I highly doubt he'd ever willingly submit to that. He can be so stubborn and closed off.
When we had our conversation about telling his parents it took me the better part of an hour to get him to soften up enough to even listen to me. He was acting really really cold towards me. And I got pretty hysterical and he finally kind of let me in. It wasn't pretty. Or mature. By any means. It got the job done I guess...
I feel like we have this pattern. Where something will build up, or we'll have a conflict, and he'll be stubborn or oblivious to the problem, and I'll get mad, and he'll continue to argue, and I'll get over the top mad, and he'll back down and apologize, even if he doesn't mean it just because he wants everything to be okay.
Ahhh. I'm done blogging.
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