Some days, being married is fabulous.
Other days, not so much.
I won't go into detail, but I feel the need to get some stuff off my chest. I'll keep it short. Namely, I feel taken for granted. What wife doesn't feel this way from time to time? I just feel like nothing I do is appreciated, and I'm literally supposed to spend my days waiting on a phone call of the when and where and what he wants. It's frustrating. And hurtful.
I called him out on it today. I told him that he was being straight up rude, and that I felt like I got slapped in the face.
Sigh. Some days aren't so sunny.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
In a perfect world...
I know that New Years is generally the time to make resolutions, but I feel like I'm always making little resolutions for myself and rarely keeping them. Today I've been really down on myself.
In a perfect world...
I would be able to run 30 minutes without stopping.
I would be able to paint something beautiful in whatever medium I wanted with little trouble.
I would have a better paying, less stressful job.
I would get to spend more time with my husband.
I would eat only fruits, vegetables and lean protein.
This is, however, not a perfect world. These are things that I'm aspiring towards right now. The whole running thing -- Michaela, from work, and I have been working out together for the past week and a half. I have officially run on the treadmill 5 times now. It's really easy for me to lose motivation when I'm not automatically good at something...a characteristic of my crazy, high strung, type A personality. (Which seems to directly contradict my couch potato ways, haha.)
Anyway, I've run 5 times now. Each time is difficult...not so much running out of breath, as my legs just getting tight and sore and feeling like they're going to fall off. That's normal, I know. They say the first two weeks is the hardest. I get that; and going with Michaela is a HUGE help. Even on days when I don't want to go, she holds me accountable and I go to the gym and end up glad that I did. But right now, I can only run for 6 minutes before I need to walk for two or three minutes, then run like 4 or 5 minutes again. It makes me feel really out of shape haha. But at the same time, I feel good that I'm even trying. At least I'm going and I'm pushing myself. I know I could push myself harder though, and I'm going to.
The running thing kind of goes hand in hand with the eating right thing. Since I moved here I've gained about ten pounds...mainly because I totally became sedentary and Austin and I eat out a LOT. So, for the past few weeks I've really been trying to eat a little bit better. We still go out (not as often); but the last time we went out I had fish, rice pilaf and broccoli. As opposed to my usual cheese burger. And I'm eating more fruits and veggies instead of my usual loads of carbs and cheese.
Yeah, I'll admit, I feel like I've gotten a little chubby, and I really would like to lose some of that extra weight I see, but it's honestly mainly about just being in shape. I would really like to be in better shape. And I know that if I run regularly and eat more fruits and veggies and less fried food and carbs, I will be a lot healthier. And hopefully Austin will jump on the bandwagon with me. He has terrible eating habits. Trying to get him to eat veggies is like pulling teeth.
As for the painting -- I started painting when I moved here. I've always liked to draw, and I've always wanted to try painting but never really had the extra money for art supplies (they can be pricey!) or the motivation. I've got a serious fear of failure. I'm trying really hard to get over that. So, when I moved here I got a cheap set of brushes, some acrylic paint and a couple canvases. And I really really liked it. I'm not great at it, but I really like it. Acrylic is pretty easy to work with.
So now that I've painted with acrylic for 8 months, I decided I really wanted to try oil painting. Austin's mom got me a giftcard for $50 for Michael's for my birthday, so it seemed like a good opportunity to buy some nicer brushes, some acrylic paint and a "How to" book about oil painting. I'm glad I already bought the supplies, because reading the book, it looks a lot harder than I thought. You have to thin the paint; you have to know how much of your oil medium to add; there are so many techniques. It seems really daunting, but to be honest I just have all the supplies laying out on the table, and I haven't even attempted anything yet. I plan on trying it tomorrow. I'm nervous, but I'm excited to at least try. I'll never know unless I try.
There isn't really anything I can do about spending more time with Hubby. He's been having to work a lot lately because they're really short staffed at the station. Too many break-ins, not enough fully qualified boat crew members...means lots of overnights and communication watches. And if I end up getting the dispatch job I applied for (which I really don't see happening, but I hope it does because I'll be making a LOT more money) that will mean even less time together, because I'll be working fulltime, and I'll be working a lot of graveyard shifts.
Oh well. This is better than long distance. I'm trying to see all the silver linings. At least Austin isn't on a cutter. He gets to come home every two to three days. We see each other, we get to go on little day trips to Portland/Salem/Hillsboro, spend quality time together. And as far as the job goes, I would really like to get it, but if I don't that just means that I need to finish school, and I'll sign up for classes in the fall.
WHEW. This was a long post. I guess I had a lot to get out. Anyway, I shall be back, and I shall update! Hopefully with all good things.
In a perfect world...
I would be able to run 30 minutes without stopping.
I would be able to paint something beautiful in whatever medium I wanted with little trouble.
I would have a better paying, less stressful job.
I would get to spend more time with my husband.
I would eat only fruits, vegetables and lean protein.
This is, however, not a perfect world. These are things that I'm aspiring towards right now. The whole running thing -- Michaela, from work, and I have been working out together for the past week and a half. I have officially run on the treadmill 5 times now. It's really easy for me to lose motivation when I'm not automatically good at something...a characteristic of my crazy, high strung, type A personality. (Which seems to directly contradict my couch potato ways, haha.)
Anyway, I've run 5 times now. Each time is difficult...not so much running out of breath, as my legs just getting tight and sore and feeling like they're going to fall off. That's normal, I know. They say the first two weeks is the hardest. I get that; and going with Michaela is a HUGE help. Even on days when I don't want to go, she holds me accountable and I go to the gym and end up glad that I did. But right now, I can only run for 6 minutes before I need to walk for two or three minutes, then run like 4 or 5 minutes again. It makes me feel really out of shape haha. But at the same time, I feel good that I'm even trying. At least I'm going and I'm pushing myself. I know I could push myself harder though, and I'm going to.
The running thing kind of goes hand in hand with the eating right thing. Since I moved here I've gained about ten pounds...mainly because I totally became sedentary and Austin and I eat out a LOT. So, for the past few weeks I've really been trying to eat a little bit better. We still go out (not as often); but the last time we went out I had fish, rice pilaf and broccoli. As opposed to my usual cheese burger. And I'm eating more fruits and veggies instead of my usual loads of carbs and cheese.
Yeah, I'll admit, I feel like I've gotten a little chubby, and I really would like to lose some of that extra weight I see, but it's honestly mainly about just being in shape. I would really like to be in better shape. And I know that if I run regularly and eat more fruits and veggies and less fried food and carbs, I will be a lot healthier. And hopefully Austin will jump on the bandwagon with me. He has terrible eating habits. Trying to get him to eat veggies is like pulling teeth.
As for the painting -- I started painting when I moved here. I've always liked to draw, and I've always wanted to try painting but never really had the extra money for art supplies (they can be pricey!) or the motivation. I've got a serious fear of failure. I'm trying really hard to get over that. So, when I moved here I got a cheap set of brushes, some acrylic paint and a couple canvases. And I really really liked it. I'm not great at it, but I really like it. Acrylic is pretty easy to work with.
So now that I've painted with acrylic for 8 months, I decided I really wanted to try oil painting. Austin's mom got me a giftcard for $50 for Michael's for my birthday, so it seemed like a good opportunity to buy some nicer brushes, some acrylic paint and a "How to" book about oil painting. I'm glad I already bought the supplies, because reading the book, it looks a lot harder than I thought. You have to thin the paint; you have to know how much of your oil medium to add; there are so many techniques. It seems really daunting, but to be honest I just have all the supplies laying out on the table, and I haven't even attempted anything yet. I plan on trying it tomorrow. I'm nervous, but I'm excited to at least try. I'll never know unless I try.
There isn't really anything I can do about spending more time with Hubby. He's been having to work a lot lately because they're really short staffed at the station. Too many break-ins, not enough fully qualified boat crew members...means lots of overnights and communication watches. And if I end up getting the dispatch job I applied for (which I really don't see happening, but I hope it does because I'll be making a LOT more money) that will mean even less time together, because I'll be working fulltime, and I'll be working a lot of graveyard shifts.
Oh well. This is better than long distance. I'm trying to see all the silver linings. At least Austin isn't on a cutter. He gets to come home every two to three days. We see each other, we get to go on little day trips to Portland/Salem/Hillsboro, spend quality time together. And as far as the job goes, I would really like to get it, but if I don't that just means that I need to finish school, and I'll sign up for classes in the fall.
WHEW. This was a long post. I guess I had a lot to get out. Anyway, I shall be back, and I shall update! Hopefully with all good things.
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